When Dad Became Joan Life With A Transgender Father
by Cath Lloyd
Can you share a bit about your back story with us.
I have come from a loving family who put others first. To care and support others is the most important value you can live by. Therefore, I have always done my utmost to live by that value.
How and when did you know that you wanted to write a book?
I decided I wanted to write a book about a year before I started but couldn’t decide why I was writing the book. Was it to help me and only to support my business or was it to help others.
Tell us about your book.
When Dad Became Joan: Live with my transgender father, is written in two parts. The first part is my version of events from when my dad dropped the bomb shell that he was going to undergo transgender reassignment. The book covers how this change my dad wanted to undertake effected the key moments in my life and how I connected with others. I finally realised, with the support of my mentor Karen Williams, that I was writing this book because I didn’t want others to make the same mistake as I did. It took me over 25 years to come to terms with my Dad’s decision and finally came to terms with this after a lot of turmoil with myself. Part two is the self-help section of the book with seven steps to living your normal. To look at your personal:
- Why it’s important to put your hand on your heart
- Managing your belief system
- Stop playing the victim
- Your laws of attraction
- Your strategies for change
What were the hardest things you faced whilst you were writing it?
It was very difficult that some of my family were not and are still not happy that I have written the book. But, having realised the right reason for writing I could see that they are still struggling with coming to terms with Joan’s decision and the book could actually help them if they allowed it to. My writing process was also very slow because it brought up a lot of emotional memories, therefore I could only write a few pages a week. Since 1987 I had spent a lot of time suppressing my feelings because I had no one to talk to about it which meant I had to bring those feelings up to the surface to decipher them. My writing process involved a lot of time reflecting, trying to work out the correct wording to express how I felt. It could have been very easy to upset my family and show them in the wrong light. The editing stage was very difficult with all the changes and I was beginning to feel that it wasn’t my book any longer but an accumulation of other people’s ideas. I think the most challenging stage was nearly at the end of my editing stage. My son had a serious mountain bike accident. I nearly gave up but after careful consideration I decided to keep to my deadline. It was something different to focus my attention on and in fact it helped to keep me afloat. In actual fact it was the right decision because I was spending a lot of time in hospital waiting rooms, cafes, sitting around so I was able to spend that time constructively with a positive distraction.
What were the best things you experienced during the process?
The real understanding that there are a lot of people struggling with transgender and other major turmoil in their lives. The self-help section of this book will benefit people going through a whole host of situations. After talking with others who are struggling I have been able to listen to them, reassure them that the feelings are normal, give them tips and advice with why transgender is difficult to come to terms with and support them in keeping lines of communication open.
What’s next for you?
My book has had to take a back seat for while due to the aftermath of my son’s accident. Therefore, the next move for me is to get back to promoting my book, radio interviews and writing articles. I love my Live Facebook sessions, Let’s Talk on a Wednesday evening. I also have plans for setting up a Podcast called, What’s On Your Mind. I will be talking with people who have been through struggles and have come out the other end. In the last couple of weeks whilst I’ve rhythmically been sanding and varnishing hardwood floors in my son’s new bedroom I have realised my next book, ‘A Mother’s Journey from ICU to Discharge’.
Can you share your top 3 #booktips.
1) Write from the heart don’t let others deter you if you know you are writing for the correct reasons.
2) In the toughest of times to keep writing even if you can only spend a couple of hours a week on it. Don’t give up.
3) At the editing stage find a way of detaching yourself from your book. This will mean you will be able to look at the editing suggests from a distance making it easier to see if they are the right suggests for you and the best for you book.
Cath Lloyd comes from a 25 year long career in adult education teaching. She started her life coaching experience to support herself after a long struggle with coming to terms with her dad’s decision to undergo transgender reassignment. Cath’s struggle stemmed from the conflicting and destructive conversations she was having with herself over something she could not change.
‘When Dad Became Joan: Life with my transgender father’ was written to support other’s going through major life change because Cath doesn’t want others to make the same mistakes as she did. Cath supports other’s through a holistic approach, individual coaching, speaking and events.
Listen to Karen Williams interview Cath Lloyd on Soundcloud here.
Website – cathlloyd.co.uk
Website Book – http://www.cathlloyd.co.uk/product/when-dad-became-joan-life-with-my-transgender-father/
Facebook – https://www.facebook.com/cath.lloyd.334
Twitter – https://twitter.com/CLmakethechange
LinkedIn – https://www.linkedin.com/in/catherinelloydmakethechange/
E-mail – [email protected]
‘The Author’s Spotlight is run in conjunction with Librotas, supporting authors to write and publish their best business building book’.
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